Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Time flies by!

It has been a while since I wrote in this blog...after Jill died I lost any interest in continuing on in here...she was the one who started me doing this. But I find it is always good to write down your thoughts and feelings so you can sort them out. So I pick up fingers once again and begin to type.

My granddaughter, Jenny, the one that was in a bad car accident at 16, that required two rods to be placed in her lower back, has moved in with me for the time being since she found herself pregnant. My first great grandson will be born some time in August. It has been heart warming to get to know her all over again as an almost adult. I had forgotten how every single thing that occurs in a teenagers life is extremely important and has to result in the most drama that can be derived from the situation. Peace is no longer an option around here but I must say that it is lively! No dull moments! Her birthday is Saturday and I wonder how that will go...she will be 19.

Our church is getting ready to move into the new building in June, I think, but our pastor'e wife, Terry, is really sick. The doctors don't seem to know what is going on. She falls with no discernable reason and hurts herself in the process. Terry remains unconscious for varying lengths of time. So she has been on bed rest for over a month now. We have been praying for God's healing and it will be done in His time. In the mean time I pray for the family as this is hard on the girls and Pastor Ken too. Many church members have been "taxi" service for the girls and companions for Terry. I wish my car would be reliable enough to help but I never know when it is going to quit all together on me.

The therapy on my right knee has been progressing well and it is getting stronger every day. The surgery for the left one is scheduled for the 29th of May. I am trying to figure out how to get a car to go to Columbia and daughter, Heather, will go and stay with me but we have no transportation. Judy and Peter, a wonderful christian couple, have been taking me down for the doctor visits but this is an undetermined amount of time and I hate to ask them to take me and then turn around in a few days and come back. Gas is too high and it would be an inconvenience. So I am trusting the Lord to come up with a solution.

This month has been a struggle and Murphy can take his law back and stop staying around me for a time. My computer, bathtub plumbing, clothes dryer and now the tv required repair. Unfortunately my small income is not geared to saving any money so I can pay for things like this. I need my ship to come in and for me to be at the dock!!!!!!

It is amazing how much $2000 would put me in much better shape. And my ex, who took off so he wouldn't pay my alimony, owes me $15,900...I could get a car!!! BUT HE IS STAYING IN NORTH CAROLINA TO AVOID THAT.

In spite of my unloading here, God is so good to me! I have a nice apartment, I am not starving, I have clothes on my back, wonderful doctors to take care of me, awesome friends that come through for me when I do get in a bind, great grandkids, children that come through for me when I need them, a brother who helps me every month to stay in this apartment, a mother who thinks of sweet things to get for me knowing I cannot afford to buy new stuff, and I could go on and on. So ignore my is just a way to get it out of my system and keep peaceful thoughts in my head.

I will close on that note and wish everyone a blessed day!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Missing you!!!!

On the 8th of January God called Jill home. It is so strange not having her pop in all the time and not going to the Goodwill stores....she isn't pointing that "mommy" finger at me when I do something stupid....38 is so young to leave this earth but at least she isn't suffering any more! The last few weeks were so hard for her!
Jill's mom, best friend Michele, sister Katie and family all got down here to see her while she was still able to know they were here. I am so glad for her. Plus she gave her life to Jesus a few weeks ago so I know she is in heaven with her beloved grandmother and all her pets.
We had the sweetest memorial service here at home for her...Pastor Ken led the service for all of us...there were about 30 people packed in my small apartment but it was just enough room. We all got to tell how Jill impacted each of our lives...I know if she had been here she would have loved it! It was quirky enough for the wakes that used to be held at home.
Jill and I had become so close in the last year...we spent almost all our time together either shopping (her favorite past time), crocheting (her newest hobby), watching tv or just talking. I told her frequently she was my adopted daughter...I loved her as one. She finally got used to being hugged all the time....touching was not natural to her. Her passing has left a big hole in my life and sadness in my heart. But she would not like me being sad all the time (out would come the mommy finger) so I try to just remember all the good times we had and the special relationship we shared.

Well, today I get the cast off the right leg...WOOWOO!!! A long shower is in my immediate future! Now comes the hard part....getting the knee strong so I can get the left one fixed...just so much fun!!! Judy and Peter are taking me to Columbia...long boring ride but it is more fun when several people go and we can talk.

Christian is recovering from a touch of pneumonia associated with his asthma. He is a little trooper...just goes on with a smile! Love that boy!

Tore is getting a new job for a while...she will be in security on base calling for earlier starting time but also earlier getting off time. Gizzy, her puppy, is growing and becoming quite a little lady! She obeys Tore and is getting trained to go out and to get in her kennel. Her pictures are so cute!!!

Jordan and Sydney are doing better in school this year and have quite the social lives...Sydney always has had one! She was so good in her play at school...had the lead part! That is what she wants to do in her she is getting training now.

Jenny, Heather's middle girl, has moved in with me for a while. She will have a baby in August and needed some peace and quiet. She is working at Subway for as long as she can. Due to the back surgery after the car accident she was in this will be a high risk pregnancy. It is good to have someone here to keep me company...she helps me out and I help her for us!

I will close for now with these thoughts....I am so blessed with the friends that I have, the Bible study group ( my Sisters), the church family and my own family (especially my brother, James). They have rallied around me for weeks now and continue to keep me supplied with food and phone calls.
God is good, all the time!!!!

Tuesday, December 4, 2007


I was reading Psalms 46:10 and I started thinking about "be still and know that I am God". Have you ever thought about being "still"? Be still. Sometimes I cannot bring my body to a stopping point that it is absolutely still. It seems to have a mind of its own...the more I try to be still, the more agitated my limbs become. My feet rub together; I, all of a sudden, have itchy spots that have to be scratched; my nose will tickle and I start sneezing; A leg will cramp and any number of things happen to keep me from being physically still.
Be still. Then I try to get my mind still so I can focus on God. At this time everything that has happened lately pops into my mind. Every worry that has cropped up becomes the focal point of my mind. All the plans that have been made for the day, or week, or month suddenly become the focus of this mind.
Be still. Then I try to get my soul to be still and open up to my Lord and Savior. That is the easiest part. Opening up to Him and letting Him into my soul, where He dwells anyway as the Holy Spirit, becomes the quickest part of being still.
Be still. Once in a while all three parts coordinate and I really do become still. My whole being is attuned to my God. That is when real communication with Him begins and I am so moved there are often tears...some of joy and others of awe. And I know that He is God. How I wish I could reach that place every time I come to Him!
But there are times when I cannot still all the parts of my body and even though I know that God hears my prayers, I can't hear Him. I can't still all the fears, all the worries, all the interference of this world and I can't hear Him. At these times I take the sure knowledge that God has heard me and loves me even when I can't hear Him speak to my heart. He know that I have tried but just couldn't get there. I often wonder if those are the times that Satan has caused my disorder so I couldn't hear God's voice. If so, then I need to be stronger in my faith so I can block out Satan with the help of the Holy Spirit, when my soul is in disorder.
Christmas is the time when we often become closer to the ones we love, the very ones that we don't focus on during the rest of the year in trying to make a living or dealing with raising children (or both), or becoming so involved with our bad selves that we wander around in this life forgetting that there are those who are waiting for our attention, our love, our concern and caring. What if we carried the love of this season to our everyday lives throughout the year! What a different place this world would be! People would feel loved, there would be less depression, fewer painful hearts, suicides would disappear, school shootings would become a part of the past, the reason for gangs would be less important. If we touch just one person and change their lives by telling them about Jesus and helping them come to a real personal knowledge and relationship with Him and that person does the same.....just think what a difference it would make in this world!
I am not so naive that I think that Satan will not begin to bombard us even harder to try to separate us from God, but if we have the armor of God on then the devil's chances are slim to none to being able to take our assurance of belonging to God away from us.
Most of my life I believed I was a Christian. I would have told you I was. But I was only a head Christian...I knew who Jesus was and knew He is the Son of God, but only with my head. Then I became a heart Christian and, praise God, I know Him with my heart...I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that He is in complete control of my life (for which I thank Him daily!), that I can come to Him at any time, day or night, and I know that He hears me and listens to my heart. Knowing about Jesus became knowing Jesus personally. On that day and every day since I am so thankful to know Him and have Him with me every second of every day, I only have talk with Him, to be still and know that He is there.
Whew! This was so heavy on my heart that I had to get up and write about this right away. Now when I get where I can't get still, I can come and read this and remind myself what the verse means, leading to the quiet place where I can be still, hear Him speak to my heart, and know that He is GOD!
May He bless every eye that reads this and may He become a close friend of yours, one you speak with often, during times when you are happy, sad, hurting or praising Him, thankful that He is your God too.
PS: This is the first time that I have written here that I didn't misspell any words in spell check! WOW!

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Awesome news!!!

At church today, we had a vote as to whether to buy some property with an unfinished building on it for our new church.....the vote was 70 yes, 0 no...that is a church committed to growing and reaching out to a new community where we will be located!!! PRAISE GOD!!!!! Can you tell that I am excited? There was an air of excitement and exuberant emotions after the service! We needed something to get us going and I believe this is it! Pastor Ken is going to lead us in God's direction and we will be blessed and will bless others along the way. We are small but mighty in spirit! And I know we will grow fast now that we are united and have a purpose laid out for us. Just wish I could participate more and help the growth get going. But right now, I have to concentrate on getting these knees in the best shape they can be in and helping Jill day to day, as she has gone backwards in her physical strength in the last several months. I want to do for her but I know she has to do for herself if she is to regain her strength. It is hard to know where to stop and when to go.
Thanksgiving was a treat with my daughter, her kids and several of her longtime friends over at my house. We all cooked food and put it together. Charlie made a cherry cheesecake....yummmmm! Pam kept the kitchen clean and washed the dishes by hand....whew...there was a lot of dishes!
Christian spent the last several days with me and I enjoyed every minute! He is a joy to be with and I love him dearly! Wish Tore could have been with us too but she did spend it with Heather and her family.
Well, 4 more days until surgery....and I have a lot to get done! Christmas has to be finished since I will not be able to shop . Hmmmmm....puts me under the gun! But I hope I will be able to crochet more after surgery too.
I am so thankful for the people in my life! Jill makes me humble, Margaret makes me challenged spiritually, Nicole blesses me with her service, Phoebe makes me count my blessings in having my family close, Mom is an awesome mother, James is an exceptional brother, my grands are the best in the world!, Barbara and the Sisters are my spiritual net, and my church family is the greatest! I have no complaints! God blesses me with the people in my life and with His continuing Love and Strength.
Paperback swap is a really great site! If you like to read, join and get books that you may have been looking for by trading books you no longer have a use for. I am getting some books that keep me busy reading and sharing with Jill. We also get books from Goodwill and Salvation Army.
Well, I will close for now. God bless each and every one of you always in all ways.

Monday, November 19, 2007


Hi All! I have been gone for a while to Illinois and it was fun! Really great seeing my granddaughter and getting to meet her new friends. There is a couple, Heather and Ira, and their children that have become her military family for now. They are great! Spending time getting to know them was wonderful and Heather is the best cook! Her breakfast burritos are to die for! I look forward to our next visit. Of course, I had to cook several southern dishes for them, and they were appropriately consumed in short order! What a compliment! While there I had no access to the computer since my granddaughter was in the process of getting ready to move to base housing. I went into complete withdrawal! No TV either! Thank the stars that I took enough crochet stuff and books to keep busy!
When I came home (ahhh, bliss! My bed!) things got back to normal really fast. Jill had a really bad time while I was gone. Her hemoglobin dropped to 8 and had to have several units of blood. She slept most of the time due to no energy. She was supposed to have a mass removed from her left breast but her platelets are too low. So she has been on medication over the last few days and will get a blood test again today. If the platelet level has risen to over 100 then she will be eligible for a new drug therapy they are running to see if the results will be beneficial to her. If not (the count up) then she will have the platelets IV and will have the mass removed and then she will get the chemo. The doctor said she has many masses in her bones making it impossible for her body to produce useful blood cells on its own. It breaks my heart that she has to go through all this and I moan about all the surgeries I have to have. She is 38, I am 62. Her attitude is great and I put her up there as one of my heroes....don't tell her that though, there will be no living with her!
I have read recently two books by Christina Dodd, Scent of Darkness and Touch of Darkness, which I have thoroughly enjoyed. I believe this is a new branch in her writing tree and I hope to see more! (not that the branched there are not great too!)
I am supposed to have surgery on the 29th on my right knee and will be in a long-leg cast for 6-8 weeks. When that gets removed and the leg is strong, then I will be having the left one fixed. When that one gets well then we move onto the shoulder.....I only have one limb that is functioning anywhere near normal at this time...LOL Talk about the turtle on its brings to mind the old commercial, "Help! I have fallen and I can't get up!"
Well, I will close for now...getting all the letters mixed up while typing this so I will write more later.
God bless you all and be with you in all things.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Birthday week!!!

Thanks to Jill (and my wonderful friends and family) , I have had the most awesome birthday week! I am lucky to have a birthday day celebration! She has given me small gifts each day of my birthday week and cooked me dinner for my birthday and given me carte blanche on where we might go...woo, woo!!! And Mom took me out for lunch (red lobster!!) and gave me money for a pair of Merrel shoes! My brother gave me a Target credit card (a BIG blessing), my Sisters (bible study group) took me out to supper (red lobster), my friends gave me various gift cards, Joelle gave me a camera, Sydney gave me a wonderful card she made herself and took me to the movies, Jill gave me a (what else) red lobster gift card (getting the message here? LOL) Nichole gave me a beautiful bouquet of flowers that still looks great! I received many cards and best wishes.....God has blessed me with amazing people in my life! (Now if only I could get a newer van in the near future.....)

On the 8th of October I will be going to visit my granddaughter in Illinois and I am so excited!!! I have missed Tore sooo much in the last few years. First she lived in Germany and then she went in the Air Force and will be moving around a lot! She is an amazing girl and I love to be with her at any time! Of course, all my grands are amazing, but she has lived with me off and on most of her life and I feel like she is mine.....and Jordan, Sydney and Christian too. Life is so unpredictable and sometimes that makes for good times and sometimes not so good. Some of my grands I have not been able to keep in touch with and I miss knowing about them and their lives, their likes and dislikes, their dreams and aspirations, who they are.

But I can still pray for them and hope they know the Lord and live in His Will and Love.

I will be putting some crochet links on here to patterns and maybe some patterns of my own from time to time. Right now I am madly crocheting Christmas presents and birthday presents too. Whew! Talk about cramps! Fingers, arm, shoulders, hands...even my mouth which I have to hold a certain way to get the stitches even and figuring out the patterns...LOL

I just got a sweater done for my granddaughter, Faith, (Tore's sister) who will be 4 on the 3rd of October. And I also have three new babies coming to crochet for....hmmmm, I need a crochet income!

I hope all of you will have a blessed day! And may God bless you always in all ways!

Monday, September 17, 2007

Crochet, crochet, crochet!

I am trying to get ready for Christmas early by making things but birthdays are getting in the way! But I am making things anyway and enjoying the creation of...oops!..."stuff". (Can't give away the surprise!) In October I am visiting my granddaughter in Illinois and really looking forward to spending time with her! She will soon be 20 and is in the Air Force. I have loved her dearly ever since she was a red-faced newborn, angry because she had the hiccups! She has made me so proud of her in so many ways! Her self confidence and poise are unusual in one so young.
We will visit St. Louis while I am there...looking forward to that too!!! But my yarn, hooks and patterns will go with me so I can continue the present making while she is at work.
Jill is going to keep my cats fed and my plants watered while I am gone...I will have to get her something special to thank her!
I will get back to this later...Right now I have to get back to work!
God bless you all in all ways!